Xenophobia
I used to avoid meeting new people. There was a time when I thought all the people I'd ever need to know I already knew; and that new acquaintances just brought in confusion and uncertainty to what was already predictable, safe and secure.I don't know how I ever managed to keep sane.
Yes, naivete had a lot to do with it, and that my introverted nature holding office didn't help at all. It wasn't surprising that I knew less and less playmates in the subdivision where I grew up. Whenever new kids moved into the area, I kept to myself and stayed locked up inside the house. I was perfectly fine to the kids I already knew. But I was near hostile against the new ones figuring them to be evil denizens from outside, not to be trusted.
I won't bore you with how I came to change. I suppose it's enough to know that I did and now I look forward to meeting new people with each project I get involved in.
That is not to say that I do not hesitate with each new acquaintance.
Every time I meet a new person I think that he/she could very well become a very good friend or a very bad enemy... Or worse, someone who'll tear my heart into shreds and crush it beneath their feet before my very eyes.
Dramatic? Yes.
True? No doubt.
I guess it's the same with everyone. But it's a very conscious thought for me every time. That is why I both love and fear my line of work. The fear of enmity and rejection plays out with the expectations of something wonderful coming out of every acquaintance made.
So after reading this and you see me shake someone's hand for the first time, and I say, "It's a pleasure to meet you." You know what's going on in my head.
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