Stolen Summers (with apologies to Mr. Pete Jones)
It comes in every person's life I guess.Nevertheless, one always hopes that the bright summer days in one's life remain unclouded by tragedy, bad news and loss.
I am not as privileged this year.
We're counting days as we wait for her to leave for Home. She has said it herself and now she's using the time she has left to leave her "pabilin."
That word takes on a whole new meaning in light of these weeks' events. Pabilin, to me now, are the last words you'll ever say to a person before you leave. Think about it. When you go off on a long trip, you leave instructions and advice to those who'll be left behind. As you go, you hope that those things will be heeded, if not remembered. But whether they actually do or not is out of your hands.
I'll be talking with her again soon and no doubt, a pabilin is due. This would be the last times I would ever see her and it hurts too much. But what is my discomfort compared to her pain? This is her wish. What kind of person would I be if I didn't go? But frankly I wish it didn't have to be this way. I would rather part with her on a conversation that assumes that I'd be seeing her again.
"Sige, tita kailangan ko nang umuwi. I'll be seeing you soon, though!"
I simply refuse to think that these are her last days. Yes, her body's dying but what is that really? It's just a shell. What is really her is her mind, her soul, her spirit. And thank God, those never die.
So what if I'll never get to show her my latest kooky getups?
So what if we'll never go on that shopping spree we've always planned for?
So what if she'll never occupy a seat at my wedding?
So what if she'll never walk through my door again?
As much as I want her to, circumstances dictate I can't. But that's not going to stop her from being a part of my life even after she's gone. I'm losing my tita, my godmother - the one person I could turn to when I can't talk to my own parents. As she prepares to leave, she leaves her pabilin. And I'll take it home not with loss, but with hope. So she'll be gone. But only for a while. I'll be seeing her soon, anyway.
And so, I carry on.
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